If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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