I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
