I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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