dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
