I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
