Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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