im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
