I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
