the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
