just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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