I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
That accounts for only three of the penises
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
