I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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