Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
