so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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