you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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