i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
