Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
