I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
