Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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