Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Randomize
