I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
