weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
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