i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
