I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
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