You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
