That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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