This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
