just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
