Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
