Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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