census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize
