I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
