So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
being pregnant is like rehab
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
i think im in europe. pls send help
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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