Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
There r osticjed everywhere
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
