I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
