just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
