He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
