omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
