i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
