you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
