I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
