i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
