She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
