Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
