guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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