So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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