He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
How naked do you want me to be?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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