I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
