stop calling my apartment porn island.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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