She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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