My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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