New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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