every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
