Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
