I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
im six kinds of drunk right now
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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