tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
