I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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