Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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