Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
