sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
