there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
