I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
