she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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