I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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