HIV tests are more positive than that guy
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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