i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize