let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
