I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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