Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
