...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
