if you like me you must not know who I am
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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