My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize