yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
