I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
