I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
