I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
