Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
