btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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