New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
