So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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