yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize
