Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
