Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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