who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
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